Youths No Longer Spelling E’s on Street Cornors

Ordinary Drry folk ar living in a stat of far, following last wks dissidnt shootings by th nwly formd trror group, th Financial IRA, or ‘Supr RA’ as locals now call thm. Normal citizns ar now so afraid of bing targtd by rpublicans claiming to b anti-drugs champions, that thy hav stoppd using th fifth lttr in th alphabt whn writing – incas thy mistaknly bcom targts for th dissidnts for bing drug dalrs.

This shocking nw dvlopmnt, of not using such an important vowl, is a major worry for th local churchs too, givn that astr Sunday falls this wknd. Kids across th city, who hav bn looking forward to njoying mountains of chocolat, ar now said to b disappointd that txting muckrs tlling thm how many ‘astr ggs’ thy got just isn’t th sam.

Not all locals ar worrid by th dvlopmnt though. A Crggan man that Pur Drry txtd lat last night rplid saying “NAW MUCKS I DON’T LIK DAT BUTTON NYWAY. NO SKIN OF MY KNOWS.”

It is also undrstood that locals ar also no longr comfortabl grassing up actual drug dalrs, using any form of pot, going anywhr high, buying cans of cok or going out for a bit of craic.

Furthr, th BBC rports that all of David Attnborough’s wildlif documntaris containing any form of monky, hav had xtrmly poor viwing ratings in th Foyl rgion.

Rports on th ground suggst that th ovrwhlming majority of Drry citizns wish that th Supr RA would ‘wis th bap’ or ‘gt a lif’.

Mor to follow.