MTV fever lands as Derry people lineup for no lineup

Derry dance music fans did something unexpected last night, after they stood in a massive crowd of strangers all night until the sun came up.

Tickets for the upcoming MTV concert in Ebrington were released this morning, yet despite no lineup being announced yet for the event, most of Derry decided they’d lineup anyway to get them. The huge queue began forming early yesterday, after MTV announced that the concert would have a busy bar and toilet area, at which Derry wans could spend their evening alternately lining up at depending on the status of their bladder.

The monster queue took over Foyle Street last night for hours on end, in a line reported to be bigger than the one Nambarrie O’Hagan put out on a Meltro bar cistern last Saturday night after queuing for ages for a pish.  Morale was kept high in the queue by the “galliagh wans” – revered worldwide for their musical talent, as they entertained the crowd with classics including ‘olay, olay, olay’, ‘you’re not singing anymore’ and the first verse and chorus of ‘Teenage Kicks’, on a loop.

The owners of Doherty’s bakery were ‘gutted’ to learn that people were not actually queuing up for sausage rolls and chocolate gravy-rings, however were later ‘delighted’ when everyone actually queued up for sausage rolls and gravy-rings, after leaving Cool Discs ‘pure marvin’.

A spokesperson from B&M bargains told Pure Derry that the sale of deck chairs increased 1200% in the last 48 hours, after a huge queue formed at the store on Thursday with people who were looking forward to queuing on Friday.

Some excited fans have already started queuing at Ebrington for the concert, in the hope that they can get in first when it opens in August. “I am so excited” said Tetley McCallion from the Brandywell. “I can’t standing waiting another minute for this MTV concert!” she squealed before sitting down waiting for weeks on end whilst drinking a carryout.

Derry has had a long love affair with queues, which historians say started as far back as people lining up to emigrate.  Indeed Phil Coulter’s classic hit ‘The Town I Love So Well’ even had a verse removed which was dedicated to standing in line for stuff.  “Aye, that was my favourite verse” admitted a teary eyed Coulter this morning. “It rhymed ‘queue’ with ‘bru’ and everything.  It was pure class. However producers told me it made the song far too long and go on for ages. But that’s what I liked about it. It took ages for it to be over!

“Just like this article!” he added before we inserted another paragraph full of words forming an orderly queue waiting to get their hands on a fullstop.

“My mate had half a fullstop last weekend and he was monkeyed” said an excited Punjana McCrossan in yet another paragraph as he walked towards the peace bridge with MTV two tickets, a deck chair, 4 chocolate gravy rings. a carryout and a pocket full of…


[Written by Seamus O’Shea(PD) and new co-writer, Jude Morrow(PT). Says it on his FB profile.. so it must be true. Now taking bookings for charging you £25 an hour to stand near you working out whilst he checks his phone.]