Broadcasting Complaints Commission ‘OFCOM’ today received a landslide of complaints from Derry, after every bar in town realised that the ‘mute’ button on their dodgy Dreambox remotes were faulty, raising concerns that they won’t be able to turn the sound off during renditions of the English national anthem throughout the World Cup.
The news has sparked outrage amongst the tens of thousands of local Liverpool, Man United, Arsenal, Chelsea, Man City and Arsenal fans due to attend their local pubs to watch the global sporting extravaganza, who are now shockingly faced with the prospect of paying £3.20 sterling for a pint, whilst sworn enemies such as Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney, Frank Lampard, Joe Hart and Jack Wilshere, line up singing their national anthem.
“The whole point of getting Dreambox in was to avoid paying them robbing bastards Sky.” said Silly McGuinness, manager of Gweedar McDonalds on Waterloo street. “It was grand during the English Premier league games, cos everyone loves a good singalong to ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ or ‘Blue Moon’, but Jesus it’s backfired dramatically on us, cos now we cant even mute BBC or ITV during the English national anthem.’
‘I’ll never hear the end of this’ he moaned.
One suggestion, to merely change the channel for a couple of minutes at the start of England games, was labelled as ‘ludicrous’ by local sports fan Flicker McGilloway who considers it an affront to take your eyes off a match even for a second.
“How are we supposed to sound like educated footballing know-it-alls if they change the channel?” asked the life long Liverpool fan. “It’s gonna be tough having to watch that Gerrard bastard sing God Save The Queen I admit, but it will be over in a few minutes, and then we can all cheer on England getting beat” he smiled, before downing another pint of Carling and checking out the hole on the barmaid.
The option of watching the games on RTE is still viable, although many fear fans would be even angrier at having to listen to Eamon Dunphy and friends spew inaccurate analysis not aimed at the Irish national team.
A Shipquay Street bar owner told PD News”The BBC and ITV have the best punditry going. The panellists they get really know the game inside, Chiles is a comic genius and Roy Keane’s sense of humour is second to none. There’s no chance in hell I’m putting RTE on my surround sound.”
Bar managers have been inundated with requests from customers to order new remotes immediately, or risk losing their custom, as patrons threaten to drown out the anthem by shouting abuse at the TV from the comfort of their own homes.
In an effort to win back their business, the Sky call centre on Springtown Road this evening advertised a ‘Dreambox Amnesty’, allowing bars to drop off their dreamboxes, with no questions asked, in exchange for a 30 year Sky Sports package. News of the deal has infuriated nationalist sport fans who hate the English national anthem even further though, after Sky announced new GAA coverage on their sports network.
‘Fuck that for a game of soldiers!’ exclaimed local soccer ball fan Diarmuid ó Conchobhair ‘at least wiy Dreambox ye can watch La Liga and Serie A. Who the fuck wants to watch a bunch of muck savages handling the ball all the time?!!’