Dalai Lama Visits Derry

The world renowned spiritual leader of Tibet, the Dalai Lama, is visiting Derry today in a historic event that some local taxi men are describing as “Ye wha?”

“Never heard of him” said an excited Doledrop McLaughlin when we caught up with him in queue of cars headed towards the Peace Bridge. “But this fucking traffic is a nightmare” he added before creeping 2.5 feet closer towards meeting his idol.

Local politicians and celebrities are expected to be out in force today to meet the great man, many of whom are reported to have read all about him on his Wikipedia page prior to the occasion.

“Can’t wait to meet Ghandi tomorrow” exclaimed an ecstatic Mark H Durkan on Facebook last night.

The details of his visit are shrouded in mystery at the moment, but it is widely expected that after visiting the Peace Bridge today, he’ll be chauffeured to Bap Express, where he’ll learn all about our ancient traditions and culinary customs.

The 14th Dalai Lama, will then be whisked away to the back of Docs Shop, where he’ll join other delegates in smoking a ‘single’, before leading a spiritual pilgrimage up Lowry’s Lane, where they’ll share a bag of cans from a traditional blue bag.

His visit will culminate in a Children in the Crossfire talk at the “Venue”, where over 2500 people are expected to attend.

“Looking forward to hearing Dalai Lama speech at the Venue” commented Martin McGuinness on Twitter.

“Didn’t realise they could fit that many people in upstairs at Rafters though.”

“Did they build an extension??” he asked before going off to decide what he’d order from the Two Courses For £10 menu.