World News articles

US drone strike imminent after “Bin laden with explosives” security alert

US drone strike imminent after “Bin laden with explosives” security alert

The west-bank of Derry is due to be decimated in a US drone strike later today after US military intelligence picked up PSNI chatter confirming that a “Bin laden with explosives” was the cause of a major terrorism alert in the city. In an emergency press conference General Lance Boyle told awaiting press, “We thought we’d killed the beardy hoor, but he’s

Emotional scenes as last Irish closet factory closes

There were emotional scenes across Ireland today, as the country’s last remaining closet factory announced that it was moving it’s entire operation to Northern Ireland ‘with immediate effect’. Indi-Closets said that the situation was ‘totally unavoidable’, after orders for their closet range suddenly ‘nosedived’ following the people of Ireland’s decision that the colourful fabric of society no longer needed to

Facebook Urged To Delete ‘Which Famous Paedo Are You?’ Quiz

Facebook’s latest ego-boosting ‘theme quiz’ is causing mayhem amongst social media fans this week, as the dark side of people’s blind enthusiasm to fill out any kind of online questionnaire, was brutally exposed. The release of the ‘Which Famous Paedo Are You?’ quiz left tens of thousands of social media users, across the world, struggling

Lego ‘Sinn Fein Edition’ Announced

Toymaker LEGO today announced their latest themed games line, ‘Lego Sinn Fein’.  Now you can build your own conspiracy theory, brick-by-brick, from the comfort of your own home, without getting arrested. Set includes: Fully operational PSNI Death Star – complete with interrogation droids. Speaking ‘Yoda McGuinness’ mini-figure, complete with wise old catchphrases – “Dark forces

Charitable People Annoyed That Ill Teenager Hasn’t Died Yet

Stephen Sutton, a terminally ill teenager who has famously raised over £3m for a teenage cancer charity, has come under attack from some of his recent donators, after they discovered that he still hasn’t died yet. Sutton was released to home care this weekend, following a slight improvement in his short-term health, thanks in part

Everyone Famous ‘Now A Paedo’ Says British Home Office

The British Home Office has just confirmed, that as of 5pm today, every celebrity in the entire world will be listed on the UK Sex Offenders Register. They hope the move will help save costs and reduce administration overheads for everyone in future. The change means that the Register will now switch to a new

City In Shock Following Local Man’s Astonishing Discovery

Following the news that scientists in the USA have pioneered a revolutionary cure for AIDS, another astonishing story has today reached us, this time on our very own doorstep. Witnesses claim that a local driver has miraculously discovered a way to make the sides of his car ‘light up’ as he turns a corner. The