Sport articles

Confusion as Derry wans go to Belfast to cheer on Tyrone

Confusion as Derry wans go to Belfast to cheer on Tyrone

Local sports journalists aren’t sure if they need a shite or a haircut it has been confirmed, after news broke that hundreds of Derry folk are currently en-route to Belfast to cheer on Tyrone. Derry people, who normally can’t be arsed with Tyrone, told us today that they “really hope Tyrone wins” and that it would be “great to see Tyrone

‘Jog In The Bog’ inspires citywide outbreak of puntastic gymnastics

Following the success of the creatively named ‘Jog In The Bog’, Pure Derry has learned that wannabe entrepreneurs across the town are muscling in on the act and setting up rival fitness events with similar crap yet sorta brilliant names. Lycra Doherty, organiser of ‘Wearing Leggings In Creggan’ told us that the Bogside run had inspired her to get off her arse

Earth celebrates momentus Grand National achievement

A momentous day today on the third planet from the sun, as the highly evolved ‘Human race’ – renowned for their achievements in splitting atoms, space travel, microelectronics and genome mapping, prepare to watch dozens of dumb farm animals jump over hedges whilst screaming at their televisions. To mark the occasion, special financial businesses have

Local man set to NOT compete in Body Building Show

Despite attending the gym regularly and being in pretty good shape, 28 year old Creggan man Triceps McCrossan shocked the city today by announcing that he won’t be competing in a bodybuilding competition this summer. The bizarre decision sparked panic throughout the city’s fitness industry, which has long benefited from an ancient Derry City Council

Tax Payers Angry As Metro Buses Go Pink & White For Giro D’Italia

Translink have come under fire from all quarters of the NI community today, after commuters reported that their entire fleet of Belfast Metro buses had been expensively re-branded pink and white, in preparation for the world famous bike race. Northern Ireland has become awash with pink in recent days, with businesses and communities alike eager

Infamous Irish Traveler Issues Fight Challenge to Floyd Mayweather

Big Joe Joyce, the patriarch of the infamous Irish travelling family, the Joyces, has today posted a video on YouTube calling out undefeated multi-belt world champion Floyd Mayweather for, as he describes it, “A baitin to laive em shitein inna bucket fer mondhs” The 15min video stars various members of the Joyce family issuing challenges

Sacked Moyes To Rebuild Man United using Lego

After a disappointing first season in charge at the club, David Moyes has been sacked, sources at Man United have told us that the beleaguered manager, as part of his severance package and contract, will be given a 200,000 lego piece warchest, from which  he has to help the new manager rebuild Manchester United. Owner

Extended Six Nations May Ruin 30 Day Store Refund Policy

Short-term Irish Rugby fans have today called for a shorter Six Nations tournament after admitting it may now be impossible to return their jerseys when the competition is over. With this years contest taking over a month to reach its completion, dedicated bandwagoners have realised that their receipts will have expired, potentially leaving them stuck actually

Mc Court Denies Scoring Simple Tap-in

Former Derry City and Celtic star Paddy McCourt, has today denied allegations that he scored a simple 4ft tap-in, during a recent match at his new club Barnsley. McCourt, a brilliantly gifted forward nicknamed ‘The Derry Pele’ has distanced himself from the vicious rumours, instructing lawyers to take legal action against the referee who awarded the

Instant Personal Trainer Loophole Found

Fair employment chiefs were left red-faced this morning, after it emerged that scores of career-minded locals had uncovered a secret social media loophole, which instantly allows anyone to become a Personal Trainer. It is now understood that countless dozens of people across the town have exploited the controversial clause, which enables normal people to become