Politics articles

Derry City Council Distributes Thousands of ‘Culture Collection Bins’ to Local Households as 2013 Ends

Derry City Council Distributes Thousands of ‘Culture Collection Bins’ to Local Households as 2013 Ends

The council this morning began delivering 30,000 ‘Culture Collection Bins’ to homes across the North-West, as 2013 drew to an unspectacular close. Residents are advised that the new ‘white bins’ will be collected every Thursday in January, until all the culture in town has been rounded up and sent back to a recycling centre on the

Poots Calls Time on 21st Century

Following today’s lifting of the gay adoption ban, Edwin Poots announced he would step down as N.I Health Minister as soon the public backed his new initiative. Poots wants to travel back in time, preferably to some point in the 18th century, where can live harmoniously alongside people who appreciate and share his morals and

Native South African’s Fear Nelson Mandela’s Death Will Spark Return to Era of Being Treated Like NI Loyalists

Following the death of legendary leader Nelson Mandela, millions of native South Africans now fear the return of an apartheid regime, such as the one currently oppressing Northern Ireland’s Loyalist community. Apartheid, a system of enforced segregation that curtails the rights of one part of society, whilst giving benefit and privilege to another, was in operation

Derry Outraged By Shocking ‘Year Change’ Plan

Derry people made the unusual stance of complaining online this week, following the shocking discovery that the space-time continuum would continue to operate as normal, despite the city winning the 2013 City of Culture. Citizens were outraged to learn in the local newspapers on Tuesday, that 2013, which is understood to be part of a

Jobs

Local unemployed people ‘horrified & distraught’ as call-centre Stream announce 1000 new jobs. More news to follow.

Fermanagh G8 Summit News Compendium

~ A new chapter in Northern Ireland’s history begins as the province’s roads come to a complete standstill over something to do with politics. ~ “Whats the craic?” asks Obama whilst addressing the crowd in the Odyssey Arena. “Fuck all big lad, yerself? Yee taking her handy?” responds man 27 rows from front. Sadly mic

Northern Ireland News Round-Up

The Protestant Coalition : Northern Ireland Unionists have shown the world that Politics should not interfere with Religion, following the setup of the ‘Protestant Coalition’ – an ‘anti-politics’ party, late last week. Gay Rights : Northern Ireland Unionists have shown the world that Religion should continue to interfere with Politics, following yesterdays ‘No’ vote to same

Dalai Lama Visits Derry

The world renowned spiritual leader of Tibet, the Dalai Lama, is visiting Derry today in a historic event that some local taxi men are describing as “Ye wha?” “Never heard of him” said an excited Doledrop McLaughlin when we caught up with him in queue of cars headed towards the Peace Bridge. “But this fucking

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