BREAKING: Dissident Republicans construct Giant Magnifying Glass

Dissident Republicans in Creggan, not to be outdone by the 11th night celebrations, have just constructed a massive magnifying glass at the back of the ‘Heights’.

It is hoped the new structure will allow them direct today’s baking sunlight onto distant bonfires, in an effort to spoil proceedings by setting them alight ahead of schedule.

Local women are also believed to be queuing up at the site, as dissident factions have promised to ‘super charge’ their tans for £3.50 – provided they don’t have any drugs in their handbag and can show sufficient evidence that they haven’t paid their TV licence.

The PSNI have confirmed that they are looking into it.