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Visit www.GetTogether.at - The Premiere What's on guide for pubs, clubs, restaurants, theatre and live events in Derry, Ireland.
Sport
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HALLOWEEN FIXTURE SPOOKS LOCAL SOCCER FANS
Following the 0-0 draw with Sligo in the recent FAI cup semi-final, Derry City Football Club are bracing themselves for a dramatic Halloween night replay of the match at the Brandywell this Tuesday. Despite putting in a brave performance in Sligo on Sunday, Derry couldn’t break the deadlock in 90 minutes, setting up a thrilling spook-tacular showdown at their home ground.
Following this seasons poor turnouts at the Brandywell, in which only a mainstay of die hard fans have bothered to turn up for matches, club officials are preparing themselves for this seasons first BIG turnout, thanks in large part, to the novelty of the event. It is anticipated therefore, that thousands of fancy dress wearing Derry locals will arrive at the ground on Tuesday, dressed as Derry City fans especially for the occasion.
“Obviously we are not used this kind of situation” said city manager Stephen Kenny, “but nonetheless, everyone is welcome along to the Brandywell for the occasion.”
In the event that Derry reach the final, DCFC have confirmed that 227 Fifty-Two seater coaches are on standby to ferry the 120 members of Brandywell Pride and a small number of hardcore fans and press to the final.
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Other Headlines
Dracula believed to be responsible for two dozen male bodies found drained of blood throughout the city. A local right-wing feminist group has welcomed the attacks claiming it will teach Derry men to wind their necks in in future.
Shock as women traveller has heart attack at City of Derry Airport. Police are thought to be holding a Chicken Sandwich and a Cup of Black Coffee in for questioning over their suspect pricing. The woman has vowed to never again return to the city, as she remained unsure about the correct location to have a Stroke in Derry/Londonderry.
Shock as TV diet guru Gillian McKeith is heckled by locals during a trip to Derry as part of her “You are what you eat” tour. “That’s a load of fuckin crap” screamed one Sausage Roll Bap who was escorted from the scene. Police are now looking to speak to a portion of Garlic Chips, a Fish Supper and a Chicken Ball Special in connection with the incident.
Pampers scientists “completely baffled” during recent road-show appearance in Derry, upon discovering that local kiddy piss actually is blue. Wetherspoons were quick to distance themselves from the findings, claiming that local stocks of WKD have already been depleted by "customers who were most probably definitely over 18", whilst 50,000 parents claimed their children were safely staying at a “friends”.
Local boy racers disappointed at recent Continentál market event after failing to find a single bargain on imported European car tyres or Japanese alloy wheels.
Gotham billionaire Bruce Wayne has dramatically fled Derry this week following revelations that a local criminal mastermind somehow figured out his secret identity during a business trip to the province. Marty McLaughlin, a Tesco employee maintained his innocence to PureDerry though. “I was only being polite lik, yee know what I mean Batman?”.
Shock as Derry learns local statistical urban legend may be wrong. Long assumed 3-to-1 female-male ratio is now 10-to-1 claims a Magee professor. “There seems to be an unexplained sudden drop in men” he said. 10,000 stupid hair cuts, 8000 silk scarves and an unknown number of embarrassed relatives were unavailable for comment.
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