Pure Derry

PUREDERRY UNPOPULAR WITH ADVERTISERS SAY BEST NEWSPAPERS IN COUNTRY

Derry's signature brand of industry leading journalistic nous once again delivered the goods in decrying Purederry for its rampant anti-business slant. Both the excellent Derry Journal and the superlatively accomplished Derry News reported market leaders have a very dim view of the publication's notoriously negative view of Derry's esteemed local traders.

Advertisers representing clients as diverse as Fitzroy Café's classy brand of culinary elegance and Hughes' Stationery's low price, top value embassy of top quality paper goods have slammed Purederry for its shockingly bad treatment of Derry's local businesses.

The Purederry Editor was at Reids furniture testing out the excellent Legend 3,2,1 combo for just £899 when he received the call informing him of the Derry News’ unfortunate but sagacious decision to cancel their inclusion, and so had to rush out of the store whilst not finished shopping. He was assured by staff however that the half sale continued until 10pm Friday evening, and that in any case, a deal was always to be found at Reid's.

"We don't deserve this" said Him Presley, owner of the Strand Multiplex, a regal Cinema so unfathomably respelendid as to seem more akin to the ancient domain of Cleopatra, so opulent it facilities, excellent its movie choices and generous its food portions. "It's time for the jokes to stop" he continued, his beatiful baritone voice echoing in the majestic foyer of his filmic emporium, decked so bountifully as to truly resemble the court of King Louis XIV.

Purederry even had to cancel the erection of billboards all over town, including one near the excellent new Exciting Chinese on the Strand Road, using some of the quality products of HSS hire shops of the Quay.

Purederry did not regret the decision, however. So cheap was the hire, and so deep and long lasting the friendships forged with those they worked with in procuring it, well, it was nothing short of excellent value for all involved and the opportunity to be situated in such close proximity to outstanding businesses such as the Quayside shopping centre, the Strand Bar, the Ice Wharf Bar & Restaraunt and just 5 minutes from the City Hotel.

Pvreltom McAsidine, a spokesperson for the metro bar added "Its a disgrace since that pure derry muck went online, our sales of hot choclate have plummeted. It used to be that underage teens had a place to hang out, drink their mi-wadi cordials in a safe and fun environment, but now they seem to think we've entertained the notion of giving alcohol to people under the age of 18.

What kind of sick world do these 'journalists' live in?"

Mr McAsidine's statement was briefly interrupted by customers in the background exclaiming loudly at the excellent value on offer inside.

"Are you sure that's enough sir? I would expect to pay double for such an extraordinarily potent and delicious cocktail. My golly!"

The negativity one would routinely associate with Purederry's sloppily written vitriol has purportedly been removed for a special Friday edition of the publication, but as yet, no verdict has been passed on their change of tack.

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