Politics articles

DUPbigots

DUP Condemn Racist Banner for ‘Poor Craftsmanship’

DUP Condemn Racist Banner for ‘Poor Craftsmanship’

The DUP today spoke of their ‘sheer horror’ upon seeing banners erected outside a house in east Belfast voicing neighbour’s disapproval of a Nigerian man due to move into the area. Peter Robinson spoke of his revulsion at the artist’s penmanship, calling it ‘disgusting, disrespectful, and not something a racist Northern Ireland can be proud

DUP-Racist

DUP Want Racism to Replace Terrorism in 2014

DUP Leader Peter Robinson today revealed that plans for Northern Ireland to become the ‘number one place for racism in the UK’, are already well underway.  With the Provinces former ‘ism’ passion,  terrorism,  taking a back seat in recent years,  DUP members have been forced to innovate and find new things to whinge and complain

farage

Nigel Farage Chased Out Of Belfast For Being ‘Too Foreign’

Nigel Farage, leader of the right-wing UK Independent Party (UKIP), was dramatically escorted out of Belfast this afternoon by the PSNI, after members of the local community found out he was actually a foreigner. Farage travelled to Belfast in an effort promote his right-wing party to Northern Ireland voters. However the move spectacularly backfired, after

adams-dark2

Power Sharing In Crisis As Gerry Adams Is Released Without Charge

Northern Ireland’s power sharing agreement hangs in the balance today, after Sinn Fein president, Gerry Adams, was released from Antrim Police station last night, without any charge. Adams, reportedly entered the station on Thursday evening with a full 98% battery, but claims he left Antrim last night, with his phone teetering on the brink of

Blue Jellyfish

David Cameron in Jellyfish Sting Drama

Tory leader David Cameron’s holiday in Lanzarote has been interrupted by medical drama, after reports emerged of an encounter with a Jellyfish, whilst swimming in the sea. A witness at the resort told PD News – “I saw this oddly shaped, slimy blob with no backbone floating around in the water, and then all of

bryson

Jamie Bryson Steps Down From Not Being Involved in Local Politics to Concentrate Solely On Not Being Involved in Local Politics

Jamie Bryson, Northern Ireland’s self-appointed leading unelected member of the general public, today announced that he is to take a step back from not being involved in local politics – so that he can focus all his energies on not being involved in local politics. Bryson, who hasn’t been recognised in any political capacity since

culture bin

Derry City Council Distributes Thousands of ‘Culture Collection Bins’ to Local Households as 2013 Ends

The council this morning began delivering 30,000 ‘Culture Collection Bins’ to homes across the North-West, as 2013 drew to an unspectacular close. Residents are advised that the new ‘white bins’ will be collected every Thursday in January, until all the culture in town has been rounded up and sent back to a recycling centre on the

poots time trav

Poots Calls Time on 21st Century

Following today’s lifting of the gay adoption ban, Edwin Poots announced he would step down as N.I Health Minister as soon the public backed his new initiative. Poots wants to travel back in time, preferably to some point in the 18th century, where can live harmoniously alongside people who appreciate and share his morals and

mandela

Native South African’s Fear Nelson Mandela’s Death Will Spark Return to Era of Being Treated Like NI Loyalists

Following the death of legendary leader Nelson Mandela, millions of native South Africans now fear the return of an apartheid regime, such as the one currently oppressing Northern Ireland’s Loyalist community. Apartheid, a system of enforced segregation that curtails the rights of one part of society, whilst giving benefit and privilege to another, was in operation

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