Local News articles

Ulster Bank Convert To Bookies To Improve Cash Withdrawal Chances

Ulster Bank Convert To Bookies To Improve Cash Withdrawal Chances

Following yet more technical difficulties of late, Ulster Bank Group  have confirmed that they are set to convert their holdings into a chain of bookies, in an effort to improve the chances of actually making a cash withdrawal at one of their branches. Ulster Bank, part of the RBS group, have been continually plagued with

UTV’S Frank Mitchell Admits Shameful Deceptions

Popular UTV Weatherman, Frank Mitchell, has today told of his ‘utter shame’, after he was discovered to be simply making up town names for UTV’s Weather Watch programme – reportedly since 2011. Suspicions were first raised when the family of Michael Londis, a Belfast map maker, reported him missing after he had gone in search

Jamie Bryson Steps Down From Not Being Involved in Local Politics to Concentrate Solely On Not Being Involved in Local Politics

Jamie Bryson, Northern Ireland’s self-appointed leading unelected member of the general public, today announced that he is to take a step back from not being involved in local politics – so that he can focus all his energies on not being involved in local politics. Bryson, who hasn’t been recognised in any political capacity since

Local Urinators Commend Nandos For Innovative Building Design

Local drinkers have commended chain restaurant Nandos, after plans revealed that their new Derry restaurant, at the Richmond Centre entrance, has been expertly crafted to allow for more secluded late night street pissing on Shipquay Street. The new building, which protrudes from Derry’s premier 80s themed shopping centre, will provide much needed cover for those caught

Derry’s Guildhall Assaults Man for Not Giving Him the Time of Day

Local anti-social behaviour is ‘on the decline’ according statistics, with some areas of the city now reportedly safer than getting a blow-back from an electric cigarette. Unfortunately however this wasn’t the reality for 45 year old Hazelbank man Lego McConnell, after he was viciously attacked in the early hours of Saturday morning by the Guildhall.

Canadian Astronaut and Professional Mucka Wearer, Chris Hadfield, was Brutally Attacked Yesterday During a Signing Appearance in Easons, Foyleside

There was a strong turnout for the tweeting spaceman, as a group of science fans, reportedly reaching double figures, stood in line for fifteen minutes to meet their hero. The atmosphere soon began to turn sour however, after one fan accused Chris of ruining his new book, after the astronaut began using a pen to

New Year Court Reports

Drama unfolded at Derry Courthouse during the week, as the legal system dealt with a backlog of criminal cases from across the festive period. Pure Derry were at court to bring you the latest. ~ Fifty eight year old mother of four, Baguetta O’Hara, was first in front of magistrates, as the court heard how

City Hit by Vicious And Unprecedented New Years Eve Virus

Panicked medical analysts issued a severe health warning today, after an epidemic swept the town this week, in a scare not seen since the ‘swine flu’ and ‘bird flu’ outbreaks of recent years. Thousands of locals came down with the mystery illness on Tuesday past, whilst out attending New Years Eve parties throughout the city.

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