Local News articles

Derry people ‘shocked’ to be living in Derry, claims report

Derry people ‘shocked’ to be living in Derry, claims report

Citizens across Derry were “absolutely horrified” today to discover that they do not live in Florida, according to a report. The revelation came to light earlier after tiny water particles gathered high in the atmosphere above the town, eventually falling onto the city in droplets known as ‘rain’. The disaster struck after almost two weeks

KFC deny taking sides in Derry/Londonderry debate

Fast food chain KFC have today denied any political bias in their Derry/Londonderry operations. The statement follows ongoing reports from around the city that their Drumahoe franchise is “far nicer” than their drive-thru on the Strand Road. “The KFC in Londonderry is literally about ten times nicer than the one in Derry” said Creggan man, Chris P. Wings. “I usually skip mass on Sunday to drive over

Local comedian’s gig cut short after constant heckling by Kevin Bridges

A performance by some of Derry’s finest unknown comedians was tragically cut short last night, after their hilarious set was ruined by award-winning standup, Kevin Bridges. The group of funny fuckers had been painstakingly preparing for the gig all day yesterday, after local paparazzi spotted them leaving Drinx off-licence at lunchtime with a litre bottle of vodka and 24 cans

Tens of pounds worth of stock lost in Poundstretcher blaze

Fans of cheap instant coffee, plastic storage bins, budget energy drinks and oddly coloured bathroom mats were left distraught today, after news emerged that fire crews had been up all night tackling a huge blaze at super-random-discount-market, Poundstretcher. Three floors of Poundstretcher stock were decimated in the fire, a loss which the company’s auditors have estimated to be worth a staggering £32.50. The PSNI say the merchandise had

House in Creggan Heights set to get a driveway 

After decades of parking on both sides of the road and leaving barely enough space to drive a photocopy of a Fiat Uno around Circular Drive, a resident of Creggan Heights has unveiled a revolutionary plan to build an area outside his house on which to park his car. Locals watched in amazement as 32 year old Plimsole McCormac drove his

Swedish filmmakers ‘extremely disappointed’ by Derry Jizz Festival

A group of amateur Swedish filmmakers who excitedly travelled to Derry for this weekend’s festivities, have spoken of their ‘extreme disappointment’ at the lack of pornographic acts happening in the town’s bars and coffee houses. Adult filmmaker Lars Oale and his crew arrived in the city on Thursday afternoon, after a Scandinavian news channel reported the amazing story of an ‘annual four day

‘eVRYONE iN dERRRY TO DRuNK TO TPYE’ CLAMs RePROT

Follwing svral hoors of heavi drinkin in twon to celebrake St Pattys day, schintists at Marge Univestry have clammed that ‘Tee entyre popsiclation of Derry is nowe too pihsed to tipe prooperly!” The inkformation fist came to lihgt in cummunications bewteen BT and the PNSI, after the telecorn giant noteicd stagnificant lebels of ‘druknen gibberish’

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