Once upon a time, in the not too distant past, a very bored, and very recently unemployed young lad decided to make a webpage about his hometown of Derry, documenting the weird and wonderful eccentricities of its loveably nuts inhabitants, age old institutions and frustratingly predictable local government bodies. Though not widely spoken of in scientific circles for fear that Phil Coulter might release another song, Derry (as all locals know) is actually the real centre of the universe, with all the heavenly celestial bodies that light up the night-sky, actually circling the Guildhall once every calendar day (and twice on a Saturday including several laps of the Diamond).
Finding the stories amusing/annoying/insulting/rubbish [delete as applicable], and given that it was easier than actually taking the time to write a proper email, some of the site's early visitors lazily forwarded the link to some friends, who in turn, forwarded the link to some more friends etc etc, so on, so forth. (except for friendless Eamonn McCann, who just emailed it to himself, created a 27 foot cotton dove out of old bed spreads and blamed it on Raytheon).
As luck (or misfortune) would have it, the site became quite popular in the first week, with thousands of work shy civil servants, chipped NTL box dole bums (owns up), students and other people with nothing better to do (and the city council) logging on to read.
Sadly, many of these delusional individuals made the mistake of emailing said website creator, giving him the insane notion that writing another edition would actually be a good idea. And so he did, Thirty Nine bloody times, until one day realising it might be a better idea to get a proper job.
On the way though, there was much drama, hi-jinks and typical pure Derry scandal. Business owners threatened legal action, multinational companies were braced to sue for inappropriate use of their brand identity, visits were made to the Strand Road police station, hundreds of computer geeks (himself included) fought petty turf wars over internet chat forums and local radio presenters got their knickers in a twist trying discover the identity (and later attempt to vilify) the creator of the site. (who one day would regret trying to write a ridiculous article about himself in the third person).
A year later, whilst feeling drunkenly nostalgic about the whole affair and momentarily forgetting that all the funny material on the subject of 'Derry' had probably been sucked dry in issues 1 - 39, the said individual masterminded a "comeback" for the site in a new monthly bumper format. There was a carnival in the streets, a cacophony of a thousand car horns filled the Derry air, and those who didn’t live in blocks of flats, maisonettes or camper vans shouted it from the rooftops (except Eamonn McCann - who shouted it from the third floor of Raytheon before fucking a Dell PC out the window). PureDerry had returned! (Note : Derry City's home draw with PSG that week was merely a coincidence and in no way is connected with above celebrations )
Two issues later however, at the peak of the "comeback", and with the Derry News having run a full page spread marking the return of PureDerry.com, disaster struck when the website creator realised he couldn't actually be arsed after all. Or, as he is reported to have said at the time, "fuck this for a game of soldiers".
Anyway, a sincere thanks to everyone who took the time to email me words of kindness, participate in the writing or got involved in the PureDerry forums and discussions. The dust has well and truely settled, and looking back it was an very cool time, beset with strange (both good and bad) experiences that could only rise from the weird world of the internet. Most of all, thanks to everyone for reading it and not taking it too seriously. We had a laugh if nothing else.
I meant to post some sort of message for ages rather than just bury my head in the sand and leave the same old issue hanging on the front page, but the server beat me to it last month when it died of a heart attack. Thankfully though, we were able to retrieve everything, and so at the link below, you'll find the PureDerry Archives, where the abundance of satirical nonsense we wrote will remain, gathering dust and clogging up perfectly innocent Google searches for 'Derry' with fake news stories.
I am not in Ireland, nevermind Derry anymore, so the notion (or relevance) of a PureDerry return is now defunct. (and will stay that way for a long time to come). But who knows, one day, should I be fortunate enough to make my mark and return home to raise a few rugrats, maybe I'll build a big glass house and start throwing stones again.
Til whenever.
CM
Continue to PureDerry Archive >> |